Tough talk to a friend about her Narcissistic Ex

He’s a narcissist… accept it.. it is not you…  he always had and will have another person to triangulate you with and use to keep emotional distance… so he does not have to really risk loving. He will shower you with attention and make you feel loved and be absolutely needy and addicted to you and then turn on a dime and pull back and bring some other woman or a new interest or something into the relationship … to create a triangle.  You are left wondering.. why was he talking about how it would be to be married to me a few days ago… and now look what is going on?

He will always throw you away at the slightest indication that there is a risk in order to be first to not need you… to protect himself from hurt in some sort of tantrum, or the silent treatment.  He prefers tantrums to working things out.  A narcissist.  He would rather be alone, or with a new stranger to woo, or at work wowing the office, than working things out with you and admitting that he shares some blame or maybe overreacted or just got scared.  He will never admit it. He will not give you a why.  He won’t even give you closure because he prefers to keep you as an eternal option to go back to.  Does that sound like he respects you?  He treats you like crap but may want you back if he tires of his current situation and you grovel enough?  Is this roller coaster making you feel safe, happy, understood and loved?

Total flamboyant narc.  It hurts like heck because he made you feel loved … but he sabotaged it… he loves drama. He will always and forever be a royal pain in the butt and never follow through on his word. Run for the hills. He created a temporary obsession with you and then got high off of his obsession… the hit of chemicals he gets off of the obsession relieves his pain…  Everything he does is about getting away from himself and his pain and he will pretend and live in fantasy and create drama all to just escape on the high of chemicals he can make for himself with his little games.  It is not about you.  There is no why that can be answered.  Why were you not good enough?  Because he wanted to switch from heroin up to sedative down…. or whatever drugs he was creating in his head through his obsessive love, obsessive disgust… with you… but not the real you… with you as just a prop in his addiction.  It is sad, very sad, that he will not stop the roller coaster and face his hurts and grow.  He is always on the run, always creating a new drama, a new triangulation, a new hot and cold plot, new high at work, a new problem to blame on you.  He does not really live in reality.

Reality is more fun.. come back.  Leave him behind.

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